A divorce can be a tough situation to go through for all parties involved, especially for children. As a parent it is your job to protect your children as best as you can throughout this process and offer them the support that they need to come through it. Many children are scarred for life as the result of a divorce and this can affect both their future behavior and their future relationships. It is impossible to completely shield your children from a divorce, their parents breaking up will naturally affect them, but you can try your best to help them through this process. We spoke with the team at Marrison Family Law who are very experienced in this field, to get their tips on helping your kids through the process.
Kids will always be able to sense that something is up so it is vital that you are speaking with them regularly about the process. If you keep things under wraps then your children will jump to conclusions, usually worse than the actual truth. Naturally you don’t need to tell your children all of the gory details of a divorce, but they should understand what is happening and why, as well as being updated about the process.
Whatever your feelings are about your ex-partner it is vital that you do not talk about this in front of your children. You must remember that your ex is still the father or mother of your children, and it should be up to the kids in the future – once they know the full truth – to make a decision on how they feel. Furthermore, speaking badly about someone will make the children believe that it is ok, and they may start doing the same themselves.
Whilst the divorce proceedings are going through, you must stay cordial with your ex partner with regards to the children and allowing them to see the kids. The court will rule as to who gets custody and arrangements about looking after the children, but until then you mustn’t use the kids as pawns, they still need to see their parents. Seeing their parents regularly will also help the kids keep some kind of normality.
Because of the guilt that many parents feel when going through a divorce, they like to try and treat their kids to days out and presents, which they wouldn’t normally have done. As nice a gesture as this is, it is not a smart way to go about things. Firstly you need to try and keep as much normality in your children’s lives as possible, and secondly the kids can use this as an opportunity to play one parent off the other. You do not need to buy your children, you need to love them and encourage them to be open and honest with you. Both parents must be singing from the same hymn sheet in this regard.